


Storytime and Kermit the Frog

by ParadoxRose



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Teen Titans (Animated Series), Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: All of the headcanons, Dubious quality, Gen, I wrote this back in March and basically forgot about it, Jason and Tim aren't in there much but they are in there so I'm tagging them, Many Many Headcanons, Mumbo Jumbo's my favourite Teen Titans villain okay, Something else that takes place in my own little interpretation of the DC universe, but I make it work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 14:55:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16120853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParadoxRose/pseuds/ParadoxRose
Summary: A tale from Dick Grayson’s Teen Titan days. The mundane is almost always hilarious when it comes to supervillains





	Storytime and Kermit the Frog

Jason walked into the room and sprawled out on the couch.

“Rude.” Tim said, trying to push him off his legs.

“Bite me.” Jason squirmed and Tim squeezed out, frowning as he went to the other seat.

“What are you doing here anyway?”

“Just took down a small street gang singlehandedly.” Jason bragged, smiling as he squirmed again to get comfortable. Tim didn’t look like he’d be applauding anytime soon. Dick walked in, and stopped when he saw Jason.

“Street gang.” Was said before he could ask.

“It was kinda boring, actually.” Jason admitted, twisting his head around to look at Dick, before thinking of something, “I almost miss those idiots in Jump City.” Dick grimaced.

“Hey Jase how about we don’t talk about them.” Dick walked out of the room again, looking more embarrassed than uncomfortable.

“Who’s ‘them’?” Tim questioned, leaning forward, “The old Titan villains?”

Before Dick had become Nightwing, there had been a few years that Jason commonly referred to as ‘Dick’s broody backpacker phase’ where the first Robin had operated out of Jump City. It was how the Teen Titans were formed, and boy did they have some campy crooks to deal with.

“Almost makes you grateful for who we’ve got here.” Jason called.

“I’m pretty sure the Titan villains were a little more normal and less psychotic.” Tim remarked. Jason got that look on his face again and propped himself up.

“Actually there’s a funny story about that…” Jason smirked.

“Jason don’t you dare!” Dick stepped back into the room, and Jason’s smirk widened to a smile.

“Come on Dickless the Replacement should know.” He said, fighting Dick off as he tried to put his hands over Jason’s mouth. Tim watched the struggle, no more confused than usual. It was eerily similar to how Clark and Bruce acted when one wanted to bring up an embarrassing story about the other. Jason shoved Dick off the couch before turning back to Tim. Dick crossed his arms indignantly, pretending to brood.

“Okay, listen up.”

~O~

All signs of the robberies pointed to magic. Robin had been able to track the main suspect down to a small apartment underneath an old club. He almost couldn’t believe that he’d finally found the hideout of one of the most irritating antagonists of Jump City.

Slipping in through a small window, Robin looked around and slowly walked forward. Things seemed unusually normal, a bare minimum amount of furniture and not a playing card in sight. Maybe he did have the wrong place.

Robin turned around at the sound of a spoon clinking as it stirred, and then through the doorway came the infamous Mumbo Jumbo, in pyjama pants and a Kermit the Frog t-shirt. The two of them stood frozen, staring at each other for an uncomfortably long amount of time.

“Robin. This is a surprise.” Mumbo said at last.

“Mumbo.” Did he wear the mask while he _slept_? “I didn’t expect to see you, um, like _this_.” Robin gestured and Mumbo grinned, unnaturally wide on his blue face as he tugged on the shirt with his free hand.

“What, this?” He paused to point over his shoulder, “This is nothing compared to how much I’ve got in the bedroom.” Mumbo sipped from the mug in his hand and walked past Robin, who blinked before snapping himself out of his shock.

“A chain of robberies has been happening all over and all signs point to you, Mumbo.” Robin explained before raising an eyebrow, “And Kermit? Really?”

“You insult the Muppets dear boy and we are going to have a problem.” Mumbo turned his nose up, speaking with all the certainty of ‘Fight me boy wonder’.

“Did you do it or not?”

“Who me? I haven’t left the house in days.” Mumbo sat in the exact middle of the grey couch, shrugging innocently. Robin frowned. He wasn’t so easily convinced.

“Can you prove it?”

“It really hurts that you don’t trust me.” Mumbo held a hand to his forehead dramatically, but when he peeked one eye open and saw that Robin wasn’t buying it he gave another shrugged and turned to put his feet up, “Eh, I got nothing.” He went back to his mug, and Robin took another moment just to look around. This was way too underwhelming, he expected wacky caricatures prancing around and reality-warping gimmicks like the inside of a Dr Seuss book. This was just too _normal_. He’d once been turned into a monkey by this overgrown smurf!

Mumbo noticed the look he was getting and raised an eyebrow beneath his mask.

“What? I haven’t taken anything.” He repeated, “Come on there’s like five other magical people in this city alone they can’t _all_ be me.” Robin’s face fell in confusion, still standing in the middle of the living room.

“But then, who…” It took him a second, but then he slapped himself, “Jinx.”

“The pink haired girl?” Mumbo questioned, and then smiled, “I thought she was one of your mortal enemies or something, why didn’t you go to her first?” With a flick of his wrist he pulled his wand from his waistband, causing the cup to vanish and finger puppets to appear on his hands of the Teen Titans and the Hive Five.

“Grr, argh, we’re going to destroy the city!” Mumbo growled in a squeaky voice, and then changed to a mocking version of Robin’s, “Never, evil-doer! We fight for truth and justice!” As he made the puppets fight Robin rolled his eyes. Yep, there was the Mumbo he remembered. An immature dork.

Mumbo cackled, and once he’d calmed down the puppets were sent away again and the mug reappeared.

“Look I’ll see you around Mumbo just try and stay out of trouble.” Robin turned to leave but the window he had entered through swung shut and locked itself. Robin looked at Mumbo with a frown, but Mumbo acted like nothing had happened as he waved his hand and made another chair appear.

“You can stick around for a bit if you want, like I said I’ve got nothing planned today.” Mumbo grinned before wiggling his fingers ominously, “Ooo maybe if you don’t distract me I’ll get bored and commit a crime, hmm?”

“Mumbo.” Robin groaned.

“Right right ‘truth’ ‘justice’ yadda yadda yadda.” Mumbo gestured before fawning over the couch, holding a hand to his head again, “Fine. Leave me here to die, a poor lonely old man.”

“Mumbo you’re like thirty!” Robin exclaimed. Mumbo smiled, as if there was a joke going completely over the boy wonder’s head.

“You and your superhero buddies are just mean.” Mumbo nodded decisively, going back to stirring, “Go, solve your little mystery. Oh and say hello to Raven for me.” The window opened again and Robin moved towards it before swinging around with another confused, slightly annoyed look.

“Why can’t I use the front door?”

“You were rude. Suffer.” Mumbo turned his pointy nose up again. Robin went to the window indignantly, and with his back turned didn’t notice Mumbo suddenly smile.

“Just kidding.” He waved his wand and a door appeared, grabbing Robin and swallowing him like a mouth before disappearing with a loud _POP_. Mumbo chuckled and got comfortable, once again enjoying his time to himself.

~O~

“And it dropped him a few blocks away.” Jason finished. Dick held a hand to his face, sitting on the arm of the sofa. Tim smiled.

“He actually threatened you for insulting the Muppets?” Tim looked at Dick for confirmation.

“Not exactly. Besides, I only meant that Kermit isn’t the funniest!” Dick gestured as he tried to defend himself, “What was I meant to do in that situation?! Just imagine if you broke into the Amusement Mile and Joker walked out in his boxers with the morning newspaper!”

“Oh, ew.” Jason pulled a face and got up, quickly leaving the room, “Thanks for that mental image, Dick.” Tim was still looking at Dick, and while he didn’t say a word there was a definitely amused look on his face that the older brother frowned at.

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Shut up physically then!” Dick exclaimed, and left.

**Author's Note:**

> On the subject of that 'dying an old man' joke, one of my many headcanons is that Mumbo's actually in his fifties and used the wand's magic to make himself younger, so. There you go


End file.
